The Empty Nest
My husband and I (with our cat Athena) reside in southwestern, Pennsylvania. Our 21 year old son, Jacob, is currently attending college (2,302 miles away) in Moscow, Idaho and our 18 year old daughter, Jacqueline, is attending her freshman year of college (992 miles away) in Lakeland, Florida. So as of August 2022, we are full on, official, “Empty Nesters.”
My nest may be empty, but I am anything but empty…I am full! The Bible says “...I came that they may have life, and have it in abundance (to the full, till it overflows, (in every season).”
John 10:10 (The bold, italics my own addition to that verse.)
I am a firm believer that knowledge is key in preparing for any major life change. From getting married, to having a baby, to becoming empty nesters and so on. Knowledge has been the greatest gift in navigating life’s ever-changing seasons. I love to learn from those who have already been there, done that. My philosophy is, why make life harder on myself or reinvent the wheel? Why get blindsided by unexpected emotions or the unknown, when there are plenty of resources and help available.
Becoming an empty nester is one of those things that you have no idea of its magnitude until you’re there, it’s hard to comprehend or relate to. When you're in the midst of raising a family and all that life entails, it’s difficult to wrap your head around an “empty nest.”
I remember years ago, reading a book that highlighted the thought of remaining best friends with your spouse and having fun, because one day, all you will have is one another. I’m so glad I resolved to remain friends with my husband and to keep our marriage fun! I knew this day would come, and boy did it come quick!
Another great piece of advice that I read years ago, advised keeping awareness of your own identity, as much as possible. I know it can be a difficult balance between “you’re so and so’s mom” or “you’re so and so’s wife”. However, now that the years have flown by and I am here in this season, I’m so glad to have invested in so many friendships and activities of my own. Trust me, it comes faster than you think! You blink and you’re here!
I am an optimist at heart. I embrace change. You can’t stop it, so you may as well roll with it and move along into the next chapter of life. I was looking forward to the empty nest and all the joys and freedoms that come with it. However, about 6 months before Jacqueline was to set off to college, I suddenly got hit with sadness, thoughts of loss and questioning who I would become and what was I going to do with my life. Fear & worry tried to come in like a flood. I was feeling like “who am I?” This was so not the usual me.
I remember a writing from Paula White that read “Change initially feels like loss because we’re dying to who we were but haven’t come forth to who we will become.” I found myself wondering. I began pressing in and seeking time with the LORD for answers to my questions. A few days went by feeling rattled when in my quiet sitting before the LORD I felt the LORD say to my heart “Just love me” and “Just rest in my love for you.” A calm and a peace instantly swept over my heart. In that moment, I knew I would be ok. I knew everything would be ok. I had gotten my mind in a tizzy and worry, and I was over thinking this whole thing. He is faithful and so, so good!
It was then in that moment that I began to recall all the times He has been faithful in my life. All the times He was beside me and walking with me through every season of change. I’ve had the song “Goodness of God” by Bethel Music playing the last couple months since then. “All my life you have been faithful, all my life you have been so so good”.
Your kids no doubt become your world. I’ll be honest. There are places that I have dreaded going because they make me miss my children so much. Those first couple times to church had me wrecked, but God was there. One of the hardest places to go is to the mall and the grocery store. I miss them greatly when I have no reason to buy all the food & snacks they love or when I’m buying the smallest container of ketchup instead of the giant container I’ve bought for years. But on those days I say “Ok GOD let’s go to the grocery store.” And I go with GOD. I walk thru the grocery store with God by my side the entire time! And it’s getting easier as the days and weeks go by.
Every season has purpose and God is faithful in every season. I highly encourage you to find friends in your season of life. Finding books or listening to resources available in your season of life are so helpful. Most importantly press in and seek the One that created you for every season of your life! He is faithful and so, so good!
My nest may be empty but my life is full…full of the goodness of God!
Whatever your season…go with God! You got this!!
Love your sister in Christ,
Janelle Hancher
Helpful Resources:
Barbara & Susan’s Guide to the Empty Nest by Barbara Rainey & Susan Yates
The Barbara Rainey Podcast
www.FocusontheFamily.com