The Mrs. Rev Podcast: Social Not So Distancing
“Your vibe attracts your tribe”
People are social beings. We love to be together, and that’s never been more clear than right now! However, many women have dealt with feeling like they are a misfit and that they do not have any friends that they can trust. This is not God’s desire for you! God wants you to have life-giving relationships with people who will support you and help you grow in your relationship with Him.
Q: Are you lonely because you don’t have friends, or because you are not allowing God to meet your needs?
Finding Wholeness
The first step to finding and nurturing friendship with other people is to first love yourself.
If you are not whole in some area, you will constantly attract people who are also not whole. Think about who you want to be and who God says you are. Think about how you think about yourself! The Bible says that a man is as he thinks in his heart. So if you are always thinking negatively about yourself, it will be reflected in how you portray yourself to other people.
If you want to grow in this area, think about the good qualities that you have that will make you a great friend and begin to be that for other people. Be the kind of friend you want to attract!
Q: What qualities are you looking for in a good friend? Do you know someone who has those qualities?
Friendship in Ministry
God does not want you to be on an island, but you do have a responsibility as a leader to guard and protect your sheep, as well as yourself. Because of this responsibility, you need to be a friend to everyone but choose only 1 or 2 people besides your spouse to really confide in. Be sure that you take it slow and let them show how trustworthy they are. If they tell everyone something that you told them, you likely need to take a step back and stop sharing your heart with them. Ask God to show you who these people are and trust that He will provide someone who will pray with you and for you and enjoy life with you.
How to Find Friends
You will likely find friends through similar interests, shopping patterns, or life stages. Don’t let past hurts keep you from pursuing a friendship. Just as much as you need someone, they need you! They need what God has deposited in you! Someone else needs what God has put inside of you. You need a friend who will pray for you and speak into your life.
Friendship Red Flags
If you don’t like who you become when you are with your friends or immediately after you hang out with them, you might need to create some separation. You are the sum of the 5 closest people in your life, so choose those people wisely! “Bad company corrupts good morals.”
Don’t try to become someone’s BFF immediately. If someone is trying to be BFFs too quickly, it is usually not a good sign. Take it slow, and build the relationship with small doses of trust.
Look out for people who are jealous or seem to love drama.
Stay away from people who spend all their time gossiping or talking about other people when they are not around.
Watch out for people who complain a lot or invite you to complain about your spouse, children, or work. Remember that there is a difference between looking for advice/prayer or venting and complaining.
Do you feel like you always have to wonder if you have offended your friend? When someone is moody, they can be using it to be controlling and manipulative.
Q: Do you see any of the “red flags” in yourself? If so, take them to the Lord and ask Him to make you whole. Ask him to show you any area where you have a past hurt that is causing you to act out and be a bad friend. Then, ask Him to forgive you and to help you correct the behavior so that your relationships can be a source of life, peace, and support.
Pray this: God, thank you for creating me with a unique personality. Thank you for creating me to be social and have life-giving friendships. Help me to see myself how you see me and to walk with a Godly confidence. I want to be the person who you have made me to be. God, you see my heart and my desire for friendships. Help me to navigate the relationships that I need to distance myself from and those that I should be cultivating. Make it clear to me what step to take next. I thank you that no matter what happens, you are my friend and you meet every need that I have. I trust you and love you! In Jesus’ name, amen!