Dealing with Toxic Friends and Family

RESOURCES FROM THIS EPISODE:

  • Matthew 5:44

  • Psalm 22:6

  • Proverbs 4: 23

  • 1 Peter 4: 8

  • Ephesians 4:15

SHOW NOTES:

No two people are exactly alike, therefore, it’s inevitable that we will encounter personalities that don’t mesh well with our own, particularly during the holiday season. The holidays are a wonderful time of year filled with family gatherings. However, when many people come together, so do various personality types. Let’s face it, some people can simply be difficult, but that doesn’t mean we have to be difficult, too. So how do we navigate less-than-ideal circumstances without causing disunity or ruining the holiday cheer? Start by repositioning your heart and attitude, being sure that they align with what the Word says about how we should treat others.

Go into each family gathering with an attitude and mindset of grace. People are imperfect–love them anyway. God has intended for love to flow throughout our families, friendships, and relationships. Don’t let toxic personalities sabotage a season of life that is meant for family and friends. Invite God into your gatherings and permit yourself to be free from a miserable mindset when it comes to challenging personalities. As you gear up to attend holiday gatherings, practice the acronym T.O.X.I.C.–

T- Take time to pray.

Before you go into a situation where you may face a tough conversation, be reminded of Matthew 5:44. Though family members most likely aren’t your enemies, there may be individuals who just rub you the wrong way. Begin to pray for them. Watch as your heart is softened, and you gain the ability to see them through eyes of compassion.

Taking time to pray ahead of time sets you up for success because you are inviting love and “Love covers a multitude of sins” (1 Peter 4:8). Love is a supernatural protectant over our hearts!

O- Overcome negative mindsets and expectations.

We tend to expect there to be tension based on past events. Resist falling into a bad mindset or the temptation to set bad expectations. God calls us to be atmosphere shifters–go into each situation with a positive mindset, rather than succumbing to the negativity.

Be mindful of what you are contributing and bringing into the space, and be sure that you’re not setting yourself up for a negative encounter before one even occurs.

X- Exit negative dialogue.

Before we know it we can get dragged into something we never wanted to be a part of. If you find yourself caught up in negative dialogue, exit gracefully.

You don’t have to meet, match, or contribute to everything someone says. Toxic personalities will try to pull everyone down with them. Commit to not playing a part! Don’t be drawn into the drama, and refuse to feel bad about boundaries.

I- Insert truth whenever possible.

Ephesians 4:15 states that we are to speak the truth in love. A toxic personality trait is a manipulative spirit. If someone is trying to paint a situation in a negative light to fit their narrative, counter their claim with truth.

Don’t receive toxic perceptions of you. If you do, you can begin to fit the mold someone is trying to shape you into. Instead of engaging, maintain a pure heart. When your heart is pure, with no malice in you, you lower the possibility of an emotional rise.

Love squelches out disunity, lies, or drama that may start a spark that can lead to trouble. Decide you are going to speak the truth in love.

C- Connect where you can.

As a Christian, you are carrying Christ’s presence and representing Him. When you feel like it would be easier to isolate yourself or shut down altogether, connect where you can.

Your family and children are watching how you respond, so be sure to spread unity. Ask yourself, “Am I going to stay bitter or am I going to get better?”

Don’t let chaos or drama be the norm this holiday season. Don’t just survive through it, thrive through it! Operate in the fruit of the spirit, sow the right seeds to reap the right harvest, and give yourself permission to have a good time!

joie miller