Caring To Confront | Difficult Conversations That Make Life Easier
RESOURCES FROM THIS EPISODE:
Matthew 18
Proverbs 19: 11
1 Corinthians 13
SHOW NOTES:
A part of communication is confrontation, but not all conflict is bad! When done with a caring heart, and when learning to communicate properly through conflict, difficult conversations can be constructive and make life easier.
Care enough about the people in your life to not avoid confrontation or cut ties with them altogether, but rather care to confront. We live in a world where we would rather cancel, unfollow, and delete. People have many reasons they avoid confronting others…rejection, fear a problem will escalate, or they are just plain tired! However, some conflicts are worth dealing with head-on.
Confrontation means you care enough about that person to bring clarity and resolve an outcome. When you think of confrontation, think about how you would feel if someone perceived your actions wrong. Would you want them to assume or believe a false narrative, or would you want them to come to you to clear up the situation?
If you’re in constant turmoil with the people around you, or if every conflict sends you into an explosion, you will have added stress, your relationships will suffer, and you won’t be able to have peace. Confronting issues maturely helps bring unity and harmony to the relationships around you.
Thankfully, Jesus knew that people would have issues with one another so He gave us instruction in the Word for conflict. In Matthew 18, Jesus sets us up with a biblical example of what to do when an issue with someone arises. As Christians, we shouldn’t be sitting in a church service with animosity between us and the person sitting three rows away. Have enough reverence for Christ to want to make things right, even if it’s uncomfortable.
Care to confront. With some practical tips, navigating difficult conversations can transform your relationships from rocky to resolved.
Pray about it… is it worth a conversation?
Not every situation is created for confrontation. Before confronting anyone, take time to pray about it. Is it something small? Ask God if it’s something you can overlook without ramifications. Choose your battles wisely; you shouldn’t be confronting people constantly. If you can look past it, then do so! However, if you know there will be fruit from working it out, confront the issue face-to-face, at the proper time and place for the conversation. This refers not only to the physical location but also the right time for your heart so it's postured properly without bitterness or anger.
Seek to understand from the other person’s perspective.
Never assume! Be sure your perspective on the situation is accurate. Give others the benefit of the doubt, expect the best out of everyone, and make an allowance for people’s faults.
Address the incident or situation; don’t make it personal.
The confrontation can quickly seem like an attack on someone’s character when it becomes personal. This will indefinitely make the person defensive and shut you out. Stick to the topic–separate the incident from the person.
Keep the issue clear–don’t get sidetracked by other issues.
Stay on topic to fix the issue at hand instead of bringing up many other issues. Keep boundaries around the one isolated incident.
Love first- affirm the person’s role in your life, speaking positive feelings first.
Love has to be the motive when we confront. Go into the conversation speaking from a place of love. Find something to celebrate about the person, bring it to the forefront of the conversation, and continue to affirm it throughout.
Use “I” statements. Speak from your perspective.
Keep it about you and them; don’t clump other people into the discussion. Steer clear of using absolute words like “always” or “never” which can set them up to be defensive.
Be patient, monitor your tone, and use good body language.
Don’t let your tone overshadow or negate the conversation. Don’t get angry, don’t get triggered, and don’t rise to the other person’s level if their voice is rising. Give the person time and space to respond and be open to hearing their response, even if you don’t like it. Be willing to hear them out, ready to own up to anything you might have done to contribute to the conflict, even if done so without realizing it.
When dealt with head-on, conflict can only make your relationships better and stronger! Conflict does not need to always equate to an argument. There is a better way to live—a mature and adult way to work out differences, bring understanding to misunderstandings, and mend hurt feelings so relationships can flourish.