The Lens Through Which I See - A Mother Daughter Relationship

The greatest gift my mother gave me, aside from my salvation in Jesus Christ, was the gift of loving people. She used to sing a song during the church offertory entitled “I want to spend my life mending broken people.”

I remember at age five going to visit my mom in the Hospital as she had her first surgery: a mastectomy due to cancer.

I remember in 5th grade, my mom had the fun idea of dressing me up in her wedding dress. We proceeded outside, where she took pictures of me in her wedding dress under the beautiful pink cherry trees in full bloom. Looking back, that moment had much more meaning to her than my mind could comprehend at the time. Later I realized what that moment meant for her.

I remember in 6th grade, going on a softball field trip to the local amusement park where you could take any friend you wanted. I was the only one that took their mom. She was the best and most fun person in the entire world.

I remember I had just finished 7th grade. It was June 8th, the first day of summer. After my mom’s 8-year battle with cancer, my dad greeted me in our home's foyer to say, “Mom passed away this morning.”

It was then that for the next several years, I would hate Mother’s Day. I hated to watch my friends enjoying time with their moms. It all just hurt so much. I resented shopping and doing all the things my mom and I used to do together. The hurt and pain of my teenage years grew to bitterness and anger that would grow deeper year after year.

Eventually, in my early 20’s, God healed my heart. His love melted my pain and anger away. He restored my life and all the broken pieces. I found new hope and wanted to spend my life loving broken people. I couldn’t deny that God had always placed a strategic godly woman in my life. So many spiritual mothers were always there when it mattered most. From prom season to my wedding day and the birth of my two children,  God has and continues to surround me with many spiritual mothers. I am beyond grateful for God’s provision for all these women in my life.

“Strength and honor are her clothing; she is confident about the future. Her mouth is full of wisdom; kindly teaching is on her tongue.” Proverbs 31:25-27

Shortly after that, my husband Jeff and I began working with the youth ministry in our church. Talk about an opportunity to love. Before I knew it, I had so many spiritual daughters in my life. So many amazing youth kids that we poured our hearts and souls into. Many of them we keep in contact with to this day. They are now married with children.

After several years of youth ministry, God saw it fit to bless us with our daughter. (She would become instant best friends with her amazing older brother Jacob. Sons are amazing, too, I must add!) Jacqueline Mae Hancher is named after my mom and Jeff’s mom. Then, I slowly began to realize the new life and joy that she brought back into my life. Shopping, talking about boys and crushes, and painting our nails. Everything I hadn’t done or dreaded doing had all been restored. God Almighty redeemed my life and restored everything back to me. Jacqueline brings me so much joy and happiness! And don’t listen to the press – listen to God’s Word and His promises. The teen years were amazing, and some of our fun times together! Speak and set expectations for goodness and great relationships in your home in every season! All glory to God!

“I will restore to you the years that the locust has eaten.” Joel 2:25

Side notes to moms: Full transparency here. I’ve been extremely self-aware and often put in check by Holy Spirit as I constantly offer Jacqueline back to the LORD. I’ve had to be cautious not to idolize her and our relationship. I’ve had to continually give her back to the LORD lest fear set in of losing her to death or an illness. I’ve had to release her to the LORD not to become a helicopter parent or control freak or manipulative with her along the way. As mothers, we have a huge responsibility to our children not to let our wounds create emotional issues with them. He is the great healer if we give our fears to Him! He will heal our hearts, our minds, and our souls. Seek healing and wholeness in every area.

“Peace, I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled, and do not be afraid.” John 14:27

“…And by his wounds, we are healed.” Isaiah 53:5

Because of the lens through which I see, I treasure and value every female relationship in my life. As I look around, I see the image of God in every human being. We are all one big family! Whether young or old, a spiritual mother or spiritual daughter, or a blood relative, they hold a very special place in my heart. I don’t take the honor and privilege of knowing someone for granted. They are a gift to my life, and I hope I am a gift to theirs, regardless of age.

“They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the Word of God may not be reviled." Titus 2:3-5

I wouldn’t trade my life for anything or change anything about it. We are all put here together in this generation and this place on earth on purpose for a purpose. I hope you see all the women around you, and I hope that you can be love to others and feel loved. I pray that you may glean from the older and give something back to the younger generation coming behind you. Whether it's a blood relationship or a spiritual relationship, we all have something to gain and something to give one another. Don’t diminish those that God has put in your path or your sphere of influence. We all need each other. We’re better together, ladies! We’re all sisters in Christ! We’re all daughters of The Most High King!

I love all my mothers out there, and I love all my daughters out there! Y’all are my soul sisters!

I love you all!

~Janelle Hancher