Avoiding the Mom Comparison Trap
I sometimes envy the women who lived generations before us. The only time their life was on display was when they took their family out to the store or to church on Sunday. Today we have access to everyone’s victories, advice, and opinions right at our fingertips.
On the one hand, I’m glad to have so many resources to help me learn how to take care of my baby, discipline my toddler, and come up with creative activities. But on the other hand, it can often make you feel like everyone knows how to raise their kids perfectly except for you.
You have to remember that the parts of people’s lives that you see are only a small portion of their reality. I am not saying that everything you see on social media is fake, but I am saying that it doesn’t show you the full picture.
When you see the mom of a newborn posting a picture of herself and her sleeping baby at church, you are not seeing how desperately she felt like she needed to be in the presence of God, even though her body was still sore and weak.
When you see a mom of five effortlessly loading her kids into the car, you are not seeing the ten years of practice it took to get it right!
When you look at the mom who is working full time and achieving her dreams, you are not seeing the years she spent at home before her kids went to school, wondering how God would bring His plan to pass in her life.
Did you know that your mind naturally wants to categorize and rank things so that you can understand them better? So when we look around, our minds try to determine where we rank compared to other moms when it comes to feeding, playing, and disciplining our children. We even compare which mom is celebrated the best on Mother's Day! If you judge what you know about yourself against what you don’t know about everyone else, you will always feel inadequate and unequipped.
Comparison will cause you to resent the victories other moms are having in their life. It will tell you that you will never be able to do things as well as they can. It will tell you that there is something wrong with you. Eventually, comparison will lead to envy. Instead of reaching out to other moms, envy will make you retreat from them, and you will miss out on their wisdom and support.
We were made for community! In Titus 2, Paul tell the older women to teach the younger women. That means that we are not expected to instinctively know how to be good wives and good mothers. God created a system where we can learn from other people and then go to Him and ask how to apply their advice to our own lives.
I love Isaiah 26:3, “You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You.”
Comparison starts when we take our eyes off of Christ and put them on ourselves. God knew all of your strengths and all of your weaknesses. He isn’t surprised! He chose you to raise your kids because of your unique personality and abilities. He knew that you would be the best choice to raise your kids.
So do not worry about what other moms are doing. Seek advice from moms you admire, and listen to what the Lord is asking you to do. Find your confidence and peace in His presence.
If you feel yourself starting to compare yourself with others, fix your eyes on God. Tell Him that you trust Him, and you believe that He chose you to be the right mom for your children. Thank God for your uniqueness, both as a mom and a woman! If you are having a hard time seeing it for yourself, ask the Father to reveal it to you and ask some people you trust. As you do, He will show you how to use those unique strengths, perspectives, and abilities to lead your children and steward your heart.
Happy Mother’s Day!
Guest Blogger- Abigail Condon
Abigail lives in Washington PA with her husband David and two children.
She is passionate about encouraging women to embrace motherhood with joy and confidence both as a Birth Doula and as the host of The Mom Mindset Podcast.
In her spare time, she enjoys taking walks, playing murder mystery games, and of course, drinking coffee.
Instagram: @abigail.condon
