Dating: Is It On A Whim Or On The Word?

Hi ladies! It’s Kourtney again! I’m excited to be back writing for you all. The last time I wrote to you was on “Becoming God’s Best In Your Season of Singleness.” In February 2021. I’m excited to inform you all that 2 months after writing that article I started dating my now boyfriend! A funny little backstory, my boyfriend and I met at church and he slightly hesitated asking me out because he read my article about how great being single is.  In his defense, I can understand that confusion lol. Anyway, before we jump into talking about dating, I do want to encourage those of you who may be single to go back and read that article because I truly believe the success of your dating season will also come from the success of your single season. If you walk out singleness right, your heart will be ready and in the right place for dating.  Dating should never come from a place of filling a void that only God can fill. If you find yourself in that place than God may be calling you to a season of singleness with Him.

Let’s dive into dating! I want to speak to the girl who is in a relationship but may be wondering, “Is he the one?” “Is this God’s will for my life” “How do I navigate this new season the right way?” These are all questions you should be asking yourself and praying about. Praise God that in EVERY season we don’t have to go off on a whim, but we can stand on God’s Word for direction. Let me also preface by saying as God-fearing women, even though we are in this world, we are not of it. Nothing we do will look like what the world does and that includes dating. In fact, dating done right is the opposite of what the world tells us…being spirit led not emotionally led, pursuing purity as opposed to “consider it a test drive before buying the car”, letting God’s Word be the guidelines in your relationship, not the romance movie or novel, and intentionally dating based on God’s instruction not just dating around and crossing your fingers you’ll find the right one. Contrary to the saying “you have to kiss a few toads before finding prince charming.” Friend, you do not have to get your heart broken in order to find Mr. Right. Here is how…

Proverbs 3:5-6 says, “ Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight. “

Who better to know who you should be dating than the One who Created you in your mother’s womb, knowing all your days. Thank God that we do not need to rely on our own understanding to make these big decisions like who we should be with.  In order to know God’s will for our lives, we can look to the commandments and promises in His Word. Trust first in God and submit to Him then He will never fail us! The Bible may not clearly say, “You will be with a person, of this height, and this hair color, and have this name” but it does clearly say that God’s will for us is to be equally yoked (2 Corinthians 6:12-14). You may have your list of all the boxes and your man may be checking all of them but the one missing is a personal relationship with Jesus. In our own understanding, we may think but he’s so great and has all the things I’m looking for I can just compromise on that one thing. Maybe it is the right person but it is the wrong timing until they receive salvation. You need to guard your heart and refrain from yoking yourself to someone until they are equally yoked in the Lord. God is love, and if he doesnt know God then he doesn’t know true love, and you, daughter, deserve true love that can only come from heaven in its purest form.

Let’s say that he does have a relationship with God and you are wondering, “Is he the one?” This is when it is crucial to know the voice of God. For this decision, you must have a healthy prayer life to hear specific instruction from heaven that isn’t clouded by your own preferences or emotions. You also will need discernment to discern if this man is truly a man of God. Let me warn you there may be some wolves in sheep’s clothing that may play the part and say they are Christian but the fruit they bear says otherwise. Pay attention to their actions and not just their words. Do their actions mirror the Love of God and fruits of the spirit?  Before moving forward in a serious dating relationship you have to wait on the Lord. Wait on the confirmation from heaven. Dating someone should never be on a whim of emotions but on a word set forth from God. When we clearly hear instruction from God we will never have to question it. You can have full confidence, rather than confusion or chaos. It is also important to have wise counsel around you that may be seeing things you are not seeing. It is very easy to let the love lenses fog our perspective and we excuse red flags for the sake of what we want. A healthy wise counsel can lovingly look out for your best interest in either agreeing or disagreeing on the relationship. These should be pastors, mentors and family/ friends that know you well, know what is important to you and can give bible-based advice.

When you begin dating, you both should set the expectations and boundaries right away, emotionally, spiritually, and physically. In Christian dating, you’re not just dating to date, you’re dating with marriage in mind. This is very important when pursuing and guarding purity in your relationship. The right man will honor and protect your purity in the highest priority. Even though this is contrary to the world it is God’s will for us that we remain pure and protect the marriage bed. Sexual intimacy outside of the marriage covenant is sin. God cannot be where sin is. For God to be present in the relationship, purity must be present in the relationship. There is a grace for this that can only come from both individuals keeping God at the center of the relationship.  (Let me pause here and speak to the girl who may have lost her purity…you are a new creation in Christ. Repent for your sins and you are forgiven through the blood of Jesus. You can decide today to start fresh and pursue purity! Jesus is our redeemer and restorer who brings beauty from ashes.) Spiritually speaking,  your relationship with God should always come before your relationship with the other person. Emotionally, your hearts should be protected and everything you do should be done in love and showing fruits of the Holy Spirit. You can know if a relationship is from God based on the fruit it produces. Is It producing life or producing death?

Here are some questions to reflect on for yourself and also the other person when dating.

Do both individuals prioritize their relationship with God before the other person? Do we help or hurt each other’s faith? Are we in agreement of God’s command of pursuing purity before marriage? Is the man leading and pursuing you? Are you stewarding being a good helpmate to him?  Does the other person show love, honor, and respect toward their family and others? Does the other person align with my core values and beliefs? Are we both connected to a healthy community? Do we seek wise counsel? Do we speak kindness and love toward each other? Do we show fruits of the spirit? Do we have a healthy prayer life? Do we steward our lives responsibly?

If you read this and you are excited knowing your relationship reflects the will of God and you and the other person both have healed and whole hearts in the Lord… praise God! Enjoy this beautiful season of dating sister! The best is yet to come as you keep God at the Center in your relationship! I pray for continued life and blessing over your relationship to glorify God and experience God’s love in new ways. I pray for continued grace to stay in step with God’s will and timing as you may be entering into the next season of engagement and marriage!

Or maybe you read this and had some convictions that maybe you aren’t with the right person. Praise God for clear direction and protection. Even though this may be challenging, it’s always better to be obedient and make the harder (yet right) decision to step away in order for you to stay in step with God’s will. God has amazing plans for you and those plans can unfold through your bold obedience to God. I pray for a strength and a grace to step away from a relationship that is outside of the will of God and in doing so you will be greatly rewarded. I pray for a joy and peace beyond all understanding and wisdom to discern the right decision.  You and God got this!

~xo~

Kourtney