The Heart to Reconcile

Having been married for 27 years, I regret to inform you that my husband Jeff and I are still having some of the same arguments or disagreements we’ve had since the early years of our marriage. Crazy right? You would think that after 27 years of marriage, we would not be having these same conversations. You would think that we would not have to ask for forgiveness for the same mistakes for 27 years. I’m talking about those small things. Those little things in marriage like attitudes and tones. Or how about our differing opinions of the frequency of the sex (yes, I said it)? Anybody with a ton of little ones or when you’re in a crazy busy season? Or the years of continuous “I forgot.” Fun fact: I’m the forgetful one in our relationship. Ugh! I don’t know why I am not perfect yet. Or maybe a friend hurt or disappointed you. Gosh, how I wish I could get it right. But we are human. We are prone to mistakes and never getting it perfectly right. Only Jesus was perfect.

Please don’t assume that any marriage or friendship that’s been around any length of time is perfect and without flaws and hasn’t been through mishaps. I believe we all have our moments where we have been the one to make an error or mistake and in need to ask for forgiveness. I believe we all have been the ones at some point that was hurt or disappointed and will need to reconcile and offer forgiveness.

It is easy to think and settle and say “Well, I guess this is just how it’s going to be.” Or “let’s just accept that this is just the way it is.” “Or I’m done!”

NO! I don’t know about you, but I am not okay with settling for mediocrity in my marriage or any other of my relationships. If we’re not working toward keeping the relationship the best that it can be then we are going backwards. Backwards eventually leads to death.

The truth is that any true and deep relationship— the kind that lasts decades— will be full of mistakes, disappointments, and apologies and require a ton of forgiveness. However, whatever side you find yourself on— either the one making the mistake or the one forgiving, having the willingness and the desire to reconcile differences is the key.

What is resilient about humanity is the desire to reconcile our differences and strive for a better, stronger relationship and a brighter future. As the holidays are approaching and we spend lots of time with friends, families, and our spouses my hope is that we will have the desire and the willingness to reconcile all differences and mistakes.

If you don’t have the desire, I hope that you will pray for that desire. I know I didn’t always feel a certain way about something I know God was calling me to. In those times I would pray that He would give me the desire. He was always faithful in giving me the desire.

Reconcile: to restore harmony or friendship, to settle or resolve, to make consistent, to accept something unpleasant.

"All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation." 2 Corinthians 5:18

“Leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift.” Matthew 5:24

“Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” Colossians 3:13

In closing, I believe when any relationship is tried, tested, and proven, the fight to continue loving one another well and not give up is the most powerful force on earth. How it pleases our Heavenly Father. Sometimes the reason we reconcile is not for ourselves, or for the other person but for “them.” Sometimes we must look around and look ahead and keep fighting for reconciliation for others and the next generation. We need to remember those who are counting on us to win and thrive in this life. I’m counting on you just as you are counting on me. Thank you in advance for having a spirit of reconciliation with your spouse, your friends, and your family!

Loving well requires reconciling well. At the end of our lives may it be said of us “She loved well.”

I love you!

Love,

Janelle