Setting Boundaries
Do you ever feel stuck in your relationships? Maybe a friend or a family member makes you feel like you are always failing or are always a problem. When you come to know Christ, not only does He desire to redeem your soul, He desires to redeem and restore every aspect of your life (including relationships).
Just because you are a Christian doesn’t mean you should allow people to walk all over you; nor does it mean you should completely block out anyone who gives you an issue. As much as you love the Lord, you can’t control other people. The best way to establish good, God-honoring relationships is through boundaries. As followers of Christ, boundaries help us establish healthy relationships with even some of the most difficult people.
God never intended for us to feel like we are victims of our relationships. Still, many times we as Christians will hesitate to draw boundary lines because we don't want to be unloving. However, if you've been feeling frustrated and burnt out, you need to learn how to set boundaries and find peace in your life. Maybe you’re beyond frustrated in your relationships and don’t know what to do next.
Let’s take a minute to talk about healthy boundaries—the signs that you may need to set boundaries, how to establish your no, and how to allow time to heal and become healthy.
Setting boundaries teaches people how to treat you. If you don’t establish healthy boundaries, people can take advantage of you and make you miserable.
“Above all else, guard your heart, for out of it comes every other issue.” - Proverbs 4:23
Boundaries do just that— help us to guard our hearts. God doesn’t want you constantly in a position of pain and frustration as you seek to do the right thing and honor him in your relationships. So how do you know if some of the relationships in your life need some boundary lines set?
You might need to set boundaries if…
Your relationships tend to be difficult or dramatic.
You find it hard to make decisions.
You feel like you have to do whatever it takes to make people happy.
You frequently feel guilt and anxiety.
You feel like a victim of your situation.
Boundaries are protection; they keep us from just canceling people out of our lives. Creating healthy boundaries helps us coexist with others, too.
3 Tips to Set Boundaries and Find Peace
Separate the issue from the person.
If you are around a person who’s constantly toxic, you have to identify if it’s a “them issue” or a “me issue.” You can love someone and still need to establish boundaries so that the relationship is healthy.
Establish your no.
No is a complete sentence. You don’t need to explain everything. It can be hard to do this at first, but you have to do it clearly and with love. Let go of fear. You can’t save people; only God can save them.
Allow time to heal and become healthy.
Get space to heal and look at things with a fresh perspective.
Pray this: Father God, I want my relationships to please you. Show me where there are areas that are unhealthy and help me to identify the root issue. Give me the courage and wisdom to set clear boundaries with the people in my life. Help me to continue to guard my heart and love people like you love them. In Jesus’ name, amen!