Friendships Done Right
Friendship. Such a simple, yet complicated word. Parenting brings back all kinds of emotions tied to the word friendship. From the simplicity of playing on the playground as kids to the pain and drama that the teenage years add to the word—these experiences are the ones we carry into adulthood.
Maybe you are blessed enough to have the same three to five people in your life from birth to adulthood, but more often than not friendships change, grow, and sometimes even end. For many of us, these changes come from life shifts, school or location changes, or sometimes even for spiritual reasons.
When you become a Christian, your relationships should change. In dealing with women I see that a lot of them have been so hurt by other women that to even think of engaging in a women’s ministry is unappealing. The truth is that as hurtful as relationships can be, God created us as relational people. Simply stated, like it or not, we need one another—we are truly better together.
So what does a healthy friendship look like? Friendship, like everything else in your life, changes when you become a Christian. Even though Christian friendships aren’t perfect, there is a way to do them according to God that brings great joy and enrichment.
Here are some tips for cultivating good, godly friendships!
You attract who you are
Stop waiting for your BFF to present herself and put yourself out there! Just start being an awesome friend. Even if it goes unnoticed at first, you will start to feel better and more satisfied about yourself. That confidence will emulate and attract the right people into your life! Make a decision to sit with the group, say hi first, and suggest an outing. Stop waiting and start being!
Drama is a choice
You can live drama free and still have friends! Christian relationships should share Christian values. These values steer the friendship far away from drama. Not that there won’t be opportunities… however, drama is quickly diverted by godly values. Values such as trust, and choosing to believe the best in one another. Encouragement, disengaging in gossip and negativity, guarding your thoughts, and disengaging in past relationship projections and hurts—choosing love. Love—selflessly being what your friend needs without keeping a running record of kindness either received or given. Humility; not engaging in jealousy and competition—truly being happy for another. You can have drama-free friendships, and it usually begins with you making a decision to live drama free yourself!
Boundaries are good
Know your boundaries. Friendships are built over time and trust. Be aware of friendships that become too close too soon. It is good to take it slow with access to your life and heart. As time goes on and trust is built you can let people in a little deeper.
Know your season
Married women with small kids will have a lot less time to invest in friendships, do what you can, remembering your season for girls’ weekends and hour-long conversations will come again, just not now. Seasons provide boundaries that you should respect and have grace for in your relationships. Others should give you the same in return. The minute a friendship feels forced, more than likely a boundary needs to be established.
Know your identity.
Your identity is not in your friendship or any other relationship. Your identity is in Christ. Friendship is a gift, value it as something special added to your life—not an ingredient to your survival.
Know your friends.
Not all friends have the same access or voice in your life. Life-long friends, new friends, acquaintances, and social media “friends” should all be treated differently and there should be proper expectations around each. Maybe this is a good moment to stop and assess and define your levels of expectations surrounding these categories of friends.
Remember, “As iron sharpens iron so one man sharpens another.” Friendships make us better! No matter what your past experience has been, choose to re-engage in good, godly friendships!