Dealing With Conflict
How do you deal with conflict? You heard me right—how do you deal with conflict? As Christians, we can be naive about conflict. Often, we fall under one of two mentalities on the matter. We either think that as Christians we should never have conflict (we should just all agree about everything) or we think that if we do disagree, we should ignore it and maybe it will go away. Conflict isn’t necessarily bad. To walk in unity as Christians doesn’t mean that our relationships are void of conflict. Unity is found in honoring one another enough to understand the other’s perspective and sometimes even agreeing to disagree. When done in love conflict is a good thing. In fact, when handled correctly conflict can make relationships stronger and even cause you to grow personally. So, whether you have to deal with conflict in the workplace, the home, or church here are some tips to remember!
Is your natural tendency to stuff or to blow up when conflict arises? Undealt with conflict will erupt eventually—and usually when it does it’s not good or godly. Jesus himself tells us not to ignore conflict. In Matthew 5:23-24 Jesus instructs us to make things right if there is an issue with a brother or sister in the body of Christ. “So if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you leave your gift there before the altar and go. First, be reconciled to your brother, then come offer your gift.” Resolving conflict as a believer doesn’t have to reflect the world where there is drama, anger, and outrage. Ephesians 4:26 instructs us to “be angry but sin not.” There is a way to resolve conflict in a godly way.
1) Seek to understand, not to be right. Are you talking to be heard or to resolve? Verbalize your feelings, not the other person’s faults.
Stay in a posture of humility and love, don’t take this opportunity to point out all of the other person’s weaknesses and mistakes.
Avoid the words “always & never” or “they say”
2) Guard your voice tones and body language. Be careful that your passion doesn’t express itself in shouting. Remain calm and collected.
Avoid crossing your arms, rolling your eyes, or deep sighs. These things communicate in a negative manner without using words.
3) Allow the other person time to respond.
Talk & listen! Make sure not to bulldoze or manipulate the conversation to reach the outcome you desire.
4) Aim for honesty, not conquest,
The goal once again is not winning, but rather resolve and understanding. Nobody has to win if nobody has to lose. Sometimes an argument will end with an agreement to disagree in love.
5) Don’t fix it until you feel it. Don’t say things are ok if they are not. Truly feel what the other person is communicating even if it is just from their perspective.