10 Tidbits on Tying the Knot
October 10, 2014, was the day I got married….ten years ago. I was 22 years old and had just graduated college. My husband and I both attended a small Christian college that had “crazy” rules like girls not being allowed in boys’ dorms, and boys not allowed in girls’- except for “open hours” of course, no dancing on campus, and no laundry on Sundays to name a few. Along with these rules, there were also little “traditions” and one of these was “ring by spring.” Hearing this as an incoming freshman, I could not have felt that was more ridiculous. I even made the statement on my Facebook status, “Getting married at 22 sounds a lot like leaving the party at 9 pm.”.
And there we have the top ironic moment of my life, the second being when I laughed hysterically at my mom, followed by a big “absolutely not,” when she asked me, “Aren’t there any nice boys at your college to date?”
I’d like to say that God made me eat my words, but it’s more like God had bigger plans beyond what I could ever plan for myself.
I’d love to share more about our story, but for now, I thought I’d share 10 tidbits about what I learned over the past 10 years in honor of our 10th anniversary.
You may never feel 100% ready for marriage. If you wait until you do, you’ll never get married, or even worse, never be content with it. There will always be feelings of unpreparedness, uncertainty, and nervousness- but thankfully we have Holy Spirit to navigate them all and grace to fill the gaps.
Marriage is a starting point not an ending one. Even though I looked at it as the party ending, it was really only beginning. It wasn’t just a new chapter of life, but looking back it was more like a whole new book.
Your wedding day shouldn’t be the best day of your marriage. Yes, it should be one of the most important & special, but your best days are always ahead. Life only gets better after the “I dos.”
You’re supposed to change. You will often hear about people “losing themselves”; marriage isn’t supposed to be a cement block- you should change and grow- together.
Mine becomes ours. This shift in mindset takes everyday work. We’re naturally selfish & marriage is the unity between you and your husband, in all aspects.
The foundation of your marriage is the foundation for your family. My biggest advice to newlywed couples is to figure out your roles as husband and wife before you become mom and dad. I don’t say this because we did it perfectly, we’re still learning and seeing the effects of our 1st-year choices 10 years later.
Marriage requires maintenance. You can’t (or you shouldn’t) run on autopilot. That’s how things get broken down.
Happiness is fleeting. If you are constantly looking for things to make you happy, you will never be content. Joy comes from the Lord. While I am the first to joke, happy wife, happy life- marriage is not intended to fill the hole of joy that only the Lord can bring. We can’t look to our spouse or kids or money or success to bring us happiness.
Your marriage is your ministry. How we raise our kids, our businesses, and our friendships are all affected by the foundation of our marriage and the example we set.
God shouldn’t be just first in your marriage but at the center. Something I write in most wedding cards is this: “When God is your center you love deeper, forgive easier, and grow stronger.” I can always tell when our spiritual balance is off and we need a reset.
Now, like I said, these are things I learned - not things I’ve perfected; if that’s even possible. Once I let go of my plans and let God in, He was able to give me the greatest blessing of my life, my husband. The past 10 years felt like a lifetime, yet a blink. So much life lived and so much ahead. I hope this brings some hope and encouragement to young couples or singles teetering on the cusp of their own plans and all the exceedingly, abundantly more that God has to offer!